Posts Tagged ‘blog’

Whenever I write, I write to keep in mind readers who do not know me personally. However, there are a few readers who are my friends and close associates and who know me from my other varied activities. And they are always shocked at my writings! They cannot associate me and my writing together. I want to know, why are you that shocked at my writings?

Is it because you meet me as a conventional, conformist, rather demure kind of a girl so content at being indoors, happy with her cooking, her plants, her balcony. Very, very ordinary housewife, whose priority in life is her son’s life, her small domain of happiness, her home, which she decorates, and her small businesses which she doesn’t have any plans of making big.

And they they read my writings: My blog, Whiff of Tempest, Titir and Other Tales, and of course, Neil Must Die. It’s then when they get shocked. Rightly said my author friend: “It’s not a right thing to know a writer personally, because there will be something about the author’s personal life which you will not like. The author will be married a few times, or have had a few atrocious sexual rendezvous, which the reader will not be able to relate to. And in your case, your writings are so diametrically opposite from what you are.”

What I am? Wait! Do you know me at all?

Here is where I start laughing. It’s a writers’ prerogative that he/she choses to write or not write exactly the way he-she lives. I’m so sorry I don’t portray a personal life so colorful and bold like the way I feel or write. And moreover, it’s just one part of the iceberg that you see which indeed looks very, very conventional and a conformist. That’s what friends who have met me recently will say. But what about the nine parts that are under water? They are carefully hidden; the past layers buried deep inside; which inspire my writings. But, you see, the claws are invisible. It’s after innumerable rendezvous and several realizations that I have cemented the memories layer after layer in such a way, that even I cannot now dig up the graves. Conventional? Conformist? Me? Well, if you think that’s me, I have been successful.

But, this blog isn’t to share those memories. I am afraid, those layers will go to the grave with me. You can get a reflection of those layers of my life in my writings, my blog where I bear my soul, and my novels. But, no. Never a whiff of a mis-calculated betrayal. My life, my pain, my emotions, are only mine. I can share the realizations from them, but never the true memories. I do not care if readers are judging me, whether they find me homely or atrocious, whether I can, or am making any change in the society. I am truly an arrogant person and an anti-social at heart, and I’m glad when my friends cannot see that. It means I’ve been successful in hiding my true colors.

Do you really want to know about my life and my battles? I really don’t believe anyone would actually want to know anything about me. They have too much of their own and my life is no different than most. But it seems people’s curiosity never ceases, especially after they have read my writings.

It seems somehow readers cannot connect my face to my writings. I believe I have an innocent face, lead an apparent innocent life, within the four walls of my home, ensconced in the cradles of Canadian social security. One marriage, one child, a perfect family life. How does she write such bold articles?

In 1992, when I had just begun freelancing, and was reporting on the anti-social activities in and around a garbage dump area in Kolkata, an American journalist working with me told me: “Surprisingly you write very good English.”

I still haven’t figured out why was he so “surprised”.

In 1998, a renowned filmmaker and neighbor, who had just read my unpublished book, “Whiff of Tempest“, saw me talking with a neighbor about our common ‘maid’ problem; he took me aside and asked: “What did you talk to that woman for such a long time?”

In 2011, my husband’s friend and long-time family friend who had eaten so many dinners at my house, read my blog for the first time and was shocked. He later told me: “Kaberidi, you and your writing are completely two different personae.”

And it happened again: In 2017, an author friend who was reading my writing for the first time, after knowing me as a very homely person in Canada told me these words: “I would have considered you an ordinary person if I hadn’t read your blog.”

My question: God, do I really have such a really boring, dumb face?

Prospective answer: Dear God, thank you for giving me such a boring face, with which I can convincingly hide my years of life’s struggles and desperate decisions. With which I could run sting operations during my reporting days without raising any hackles.

…Thank you for the smile I still have, with which I can camouflage years of pain and sufferings. Thank you for giving me the strength not to discard everything that didn’t fit me, but repair them to fit to my needs.

…Thank you for giving me the strength to stack my battles in layers and layers of history, and not let it affect my present and future decisions.

…Thank you for giving me the strength to do a grocery list while writing a novel and letting me take orders for my catering business, The Hang-La, while editing for FinalDraft.

… Thank you for letting me come up with a punchy headline for the latest cover story for my in-house tangy magazine, Citrus, while watering my plants.

…Thank you for giving me the talent to write this blog while waiting for my client to take his food orders.

… Thank you God for letting me talk to you, when I know deep in my scientific and logical heart that you don’t exist.

I tell my readers:  Dearies, You are looking at only one part of the nine parts of me that are under water. And I choose to show you exactly what you can handle.

 

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I was very amused hearing Kalki Kolchen speak on 13th Indian Today Conclave on International Women’s Day on March 8.

Then when I heard her say:

“You remember Draupadi?

Draupadi married off to all five Pandavas.

She garlanded only Arjun

But they told her you got to marry all of us.

Five husbands! That can’t be fun.

God know I have enough trouble with one.”

Hmmmm!!

My one eyebrow shot up! That’s interesting! Not a bad idea. Five husbands? That too by default? Well, to begin with, I wouldn’t mind that.

Oops! Please don’t get me wrong. My only husband is fine. Just that when you are eating a staple diet all your life, you scream and shout and try to make it palatable enough to eat it everyday, each day for a hundred years… Then someone tells you, you know what? You could have had five different staple diets.  Five men to understand you. One man to do your shopping, one man to understand your tears, one man to do the plumbing breakdown, one man to cook you a soup when you are unwell, and one man to unconditionally love you.

Does that sound too bad now? Now that I’ve broken down the jobs that ONE single man does among five men, I am sure even men are amused by this post. They wouldn’t mind sharing their wife with four more ‘husbands’. Phew! I know men, how tiring it is to be with ONE woman. This is a gift to you!

Furthermore, we women put too much expectations on one man in one single marriage. Be it in the form of a daddy or a hubby, be it in love, in cuddling (but not taking us to bed), in changing diapers, feeding baby, cuddling baby, but not so much that you forget us. Understand! Understand! Understand! Men draw a blank at this the very first time itself. Then support us when we fight with your best girl: Your mom (The old witch!)

I know it’s hard, men. Which is why I suggest you start looking for other hubbies for your wife.

Yes, yes, I know there are other fringe benefits of having a few more men around. You can watch the soccer match with just ONE woman screaming in the background. (What else did you think? Naughty boys!!) You can share the house-work and bringing up of the babies. These days, you anyway, have to bring up the babies, or you are branded the villain. A few more husbands wouldn’t hurt.

And about five bedrooms? Come on! That can be ‘adjusted’. 😉

So? Do I start looking out your wife’s first groom? Or do you?Image

People marry once. Get creamed in the name of law. Get clobbered in the name of God. Some actually manage to wriggle free by getting a divorce. Phew! The nightmare’s finally over. They become subject of my envy.

But hell, no!

They want to marry again!

I want to ask all those who are looking to settle down once again (or maybe a third time)—what are you guys THINKING?

Did you just hear ‘THIS IS IT’ bells ringing around your head, or are you just attracting punishment again? Are you thinking that this time, for sure, you’ve found the man/woman of your dreams?

That this time he’ll/she’ll not snore? That there’ll be a different smell coming from the kitchen? That the bathroom seat will be lowered?

That he will wipe your tears? That she will understand your need for space? That this time, since she’s ‘older’ and ‘wiser’, she’ll not collar you up against the wall when you come home late? That this time, since he is ‘sober’ and ‘mature’, he’ll not eye the woman next door or come home stone drunk?

What are you folks thinking? That this marriage of yours will surely work out and you’ll find eternal bliss… finally?

Run for your lives, guys, if you have opened an account with one of those umpteen portals declaring eternal happiness for all those who want to get run over by a truck a second time… RUN! Did you know that when a fairy-tale ends with the line, “And they lived happily ever after”,… the tale actually begins from this point?

Marrying a second time is like a murderer returning to the scene of a crime. If you are still confused, you are in luck! Sit back and keep reading.

Marrying a second time may raise your hopes of a “new beginning” all over again as you find so many beautiful things about your second partner as against your previous one. It’s natural for you to compare; you can never get over the first. He/she will always be at the back of your mind, so don’t even try to get over that.
Soon, however, begins the reverse comparison. How your previous partner would do things that your present partner never does. Honestly, this thought would cross a woman’s mind more often than a man’s. A woman’s mind is a tricky thing! And you already know about that.

Next comes altering habits you had taken for granted in your first marriage. Sticking up your hair in a bun, for instance. Or scratching your oversized paunch. You won’t be able to do these with the freedom you did earlier.

Then, of course, there is the sticky issue of the two, three, four families surrounding both of you—with whom you have to almost share portions of yourself to keep peace.

There are so many other things in life you can experiment with—jobs, for instance. You can try out a job, and if you don’t like it, you can quit. And find another. You don’t have to have babies, for goodness sake, in jobs! You can just resign and find a better job.
But you can’t resign from a marriage! Not again and again!

Women, may I suggest something? Get a cat. It’s so much better. You can snuggle up to one in the bed if you are lonely. You have a much less annoying, low-cost companion. Men, you can go for dogs. Big dogs that wag their tails whenever you return home. They are always so happy to see you. Not like your wife who remembers three things whenever she sees you: Money, money and money!

I mean, think about it. You can pull out your clothing from under a rubble of clothes without any high-pitched, hyperbolic objection.

I am probably the last soul on earth qualified to discuss second marriages as I only suffered (read: am suffering) it once.

However, whether you want to remarry before the seven-year itch or after a 16-year hitch, keep in mind that statistics indicate that though 75 per cent of people who get divorced the first time eventually remarry, 60 to 70 per cent of all remarriages end in divorce. So it’s an egg-and-chicken cycle.

This, when there are no children involved.

With children, evidently from both sides, this re-marital meal gets really delicious. Acting as constant reminders and as connection to the marriage that went haywire, you are now playing the role of a superhero/heroine. Now you technically have two husbands and two wives (or three) and several children. You are managing the emotions of two/three/four families with yourself sitting in the center of the pie-graph. An enviable job, indeed. Everyone should experience this at least once in a lifetime.

And people also do eight-hour real jobs on top of all this?

Kaberi Chatterjee
Published on Generation Next, 01 December 2011

A NOTE: This article does not propagate anything against second marriages. I might go through it myself, if I get a chance. 😛 It’s just that one should keep their hopes and expectations as low as possible for any relationship to work out. Particularly marriages, be they first, second or third. All the best!