Posts Tagged ‘blog’

I was very amused hearing Kalki Kolchen speak on 13th Indian Today Conclave on International Women’s Day on March 8.

Then when I heard her say:

“You remember Draupadi?

Draupadi married off to all five Pandavas.

She garlanded only Arjun

But they told her you got to marry all of us.

Five husbands! That can’t be fun.

God know I have enough trouble with one.”

Hmmmm!!

My one eyebrow shot up! That’s interesting! Not a bad idea. Five husbands? That too by default? Well, to begin with, I wouldn’t mind that.

Oops! Please don’t get me wrong. My only husband is fine. Just that when you are eating a staple diet all your life, you scream and shout and try to make it palatable enough to eat it everyday, each day for a hundred years… Then someone tells you, you know what? You could have had five different staple diets.  Five men to understand you. One man to do your shopping, one man to understand your tears, one man to do the plumbing breakdown, one man to cook you a soup when you are unwell, and one man to unconditionally love you.

Does that sound too bad now? Now that I’ve broken down the jobs that ONE single man does among five men, I am sure even men are amused by this post. They wouldn’t mind sharing their wife with four more ‘husbands’. Phew! I know men, how tiring it is to be with ONE woman. This is a gift to you!

Furthermore, we women put too much expectations on one man in one single marriage. Be it in the form of a daddy or a hubby, be it in love, in cuddling (but not taking us to bed), in changing diapers, feeding baby, cuddling baby, but not so much that you forget us. Understand! Understand! Understand! Men draw a blank at this the very first time itself. Then support us when we fight with your best girl: Your mom (The old witch!)

I know it’s hard, men. Which is why I suggest you start looking for other hubbies for your wife.

Yes, yes, I know there are other fringe benefits of having a few more men around. You can watch the soccer match with just ONE woman screaming in the background. (What else did you think? Naughty boys!!) You can share the house-work and bringing up of the babies. These days, you anyway, have to bring up the babies, or you are branded the villain. A few more husbands wouldn’t hurt.

And about five bedrooms? Come on! That can be ‘adjusted’. 😉

So? Do I start looking out your wife’s first groom? Or do you?Image

People marry once. Get creamed in the name of law. Get clobbered in the name of God. Some actually manage to wriggle free by getting a divorce. Phew! The nightmare’s finally over. They become subject of my envy.

But hell, no!

They want to marry again!

I want to ask all those who are looking to settle down once again (or maybe a third time)—what are you guys THINKING?

Did you just hear ‘THIS IS IT’ bells ringing around your head, or are you just attracting punishment again? Are you thinking that this time, for sure, you’ve found the man/woman of your dreams?

That this time he’ll/she’ll not snore? That there’ll be a different smell coming from the kitchen? That the bathroom seat will be lowered?

That he will wipe your tears? That she will understand your need for space? That this time, since she’s ‘older’ and ‘wiser’, she’ll not collar you up against the wall when you come home late? That this time, since he is ‘sober’ and ‘mature’, he’ll not eye the woman next door or come home stone drunk?

What are you folks thinking? That this marriage of yours will surely work out and you’ll find eternal bliss… finally?

Run for your lives, guys, if you have opened an account with one of those umpteen portals declaring eternal happiness for all those who want to get run over by a truck a second time… RUN! Did you know that when a fairy-tale ends with the line, “And they lived happily ever after”,… the tale actually begins from this point?

Marrying a second time is like a murderer returning to the scene of a crime. If you are still confused, you are in luck! Sit back and keep reading.

Marrying a second time may raise your hopes of a “new beginning” all over again as you find so many beautiful things about your second partner as against your previous one. It’s natural for you to compare; you can never get over the first. He/she will always be at the back of your mind, so don’t even try to get over that.
Soon, however, begins the reverse comparison. How your previous partner would do things that your present partner never does. Honestly, this thought would cross a woman’s mind more often than a man’s. A woman’s mind is a tricky thing! And you already know about that.

Next comes altering habits you had taken for granted in your first marriage. Sticking up your hair in a bun, for instance. Or scratching your oversized paunch. You won’t be able to do these with the freedom you did earlier.

Then, of course, there is the sticky issue of the two, three, four families surrounding both of you—with whom you have to almost share portions of yourself to keep peace.

There are so many other things in life you can experiment with—jobs, for instance. You can try out a job, and if you don’t like it, you can quit. And find another. You don’t have to have babies, for goodness sake, in jobs! You can just resign and find a better job.
But you can’t resign from a marriage! Not again and again!

Women, may I suggest something? Get a cat. It’s so much better. You can snuggle up to one in the bed if you are lonely. You have a much less annoying, low-cost companion. Men, you can go for dogs. Big dogs that wag their tails whenever you return home. They are always so happy to see you. Not like your wife who remembers three things whenever she sees you: Money, money and money!

I mean, think about it. You can pull out your clothing from under a rubble of clothes without any high-pitched, hyperbolic objection.

I am probably the last soul on earth qualified to discuss second marriages as I only suffered (read: am suffering) it once.

However, whether you want to remarry before the seven-year itch or after a 16-year hitch, keep in mind that statistics indicate that though 75 per cent of people who get divorced the first time eventually remarry, 60 to 70 per cent of all remarriages end in divorce. So it’s an egg-and-chicken cycle.

This, when there are no children involved.

With children, evidently from both sides, this re-marital meal gets really delicious. Acting as constant reminders and as connection to the marriage that went haywire, you are now playing the role of a superhero/heroine. Now you technically have two husbands and two wives (or three) and several children. You are managing the emotions of two/three/four families with yourself sitting in the center of the pie-graph. An enviable job, indeed. Everyone should experience this at least once in a lifetime.

And people also do eight-hour real jobs on top of all this?

Kaberi Chatterjee
Published on Generation Next, 01 December 2011

A NOTE: This article does not propagate anything against second marriages. I might go through it myself, if I get a chance. 😛 It’s just that one should keep their hopes and expectations as low as possible for any relationship to work out. Particularly marriages, be they first, second or third. All the best!