Seeing Red? Don’t worry. It’s seasonal.

Posted: May 26, 2012 in Laughing at life

I have been refraining from writing about Mamata Banerjee‘s eccentricities for a long time. Though I am safely positioned at 79.4042° W latitude, nearly 180 degrees around, on the opposite side of the globe, and more than 12,000 kilometers off the epicenter, I am not sure whether the effect of the earthquake called Mamata Banerjee would reach here. She may somehow land at Pearson International Airport and convince the Canadian cops: “Theesh woman iz calling me eshentric! Theesh woman shud be deported, theesh woman iz Maoist, she bad name phor Poshchimbongo.” And I might have the cops calling on me to translate her language. I am seriously scared of her and her range of abilities. Hence, even though I have been a journalist in India for several years, writing at will against several politicians, the hurricane called Mamata, I would like to avoid. I feel she may just take a trip in her ‘hawaaii chappals’ around the globe to meet PM Harper to complain against me and the PM might be obliged to call upon me.

Ever since she had a professor of a university arrested for sharing over email a cartoon about her, I keep one of my eyes closed whenever I come across a cartoon about her on the internet. The other day I heard Pepsi is planning to do an ad: “Ye Didi Mange More”!! I shuddered! And immediately closed the news tab on my computer. What if she caught my IP address and tracked me down? I am petrified.

She accused a college student of being a Maoist just because the student asked her a question pertaining to the rape cases in Kolkata. Latest I hear is that she called the people who prepared mayonnaise in her sub ‘Maoists’ and stormed out of a Subway joint. Her logic was, those who play piano are called ‘pianist’ so those who prepare mayo should be called….? You guessed it!

I am a tad surprised how all the cats are surviving in Bengal…. oopss… Poshchimbongo. With the unbearable heat, they must be constantly singing: Meoaww meaow, Mao, Mao, Mao. Aren’t they getting arrested for being Maoists? Her Ailurophobia (fear of cats… or let’s say, fear of meows, Maos, Maoists, to be precise) has placed her in a very vulnerable state… so much that she is seeing ‘Red’ everywhere.

I can understand. My sister-in-law in India told me yesterday that she (my S-I-L) suffers from seasonal personality disorder. From March to August, she doesn’t speak much to people around her. This is due to the unbearable heat in India, reaching 40-45 degrees C, which, in her opinion, upsets her control over her mind and body. She has had most of her past break-ups, failure in studies and job interview goof-ups during this period. From September onwards, with the fragrance of the festivals lasting for over 6 months, and cooler temperatures, everything falls into place for her.

I have a feeling Ms Banerjee is going through such a rough patch. This is a bad season for her. Once the rains descend, she will cool down. She’ll stop seeing ‘Red’ all around and start seeing what’s green for West…. ooops… Poschimbongo. (I don’t hear people often saying this… am I the only person around saying ‘Poschimbongo’?

Let us wait till the temperature cools off, then. This may not be a right time to judge her. Maybe from September we can start keeping her score. Maybe we can invite her to come to Canada in January, in her ‘hawaaii chappals’. Once frozen, she will forever have a smile frozen on her babbling mouth which could do wonders for the people of Bengal, the Tatas and Mittals and all those hopeful NRI businessmen.

Maybe I have proven to be a ‘Maoist’ in this article. I heard she is even arresting journos who praise her. I am at a safe distance, but don’t think I will be for long. Maybe she is watching and catching my IP address. Maybe she’ll fire a long-distance missile. Or fling a world-size net. I am very hopeful about her abilities. Maybe I’m about to die. So I am not mentioning Mamata Banerjee any more in this copy. I have a life. I don’t want to die so soon.

(Published in Asian Connections, Toronto, May 25, 2012) Connections, May 25, 2012 issue

  1. Joyce Yarrow says:

    Priceless Kaberi… hope I don’t suffer any “Mamata consequences” for saying this…


  2. apu28 says:

    Oh u never know… she might just be on an arresting spree… lollsss…Good to know u enjoyed this Joyce.


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